Bohemian Mylapore Bachelorhood

Just when you thought that the wedding season is over looks like after a tiny break another season begins. This reminds me of the never ending circus of cricket being played throughout the year!

Yes there is free food and in many cases free music if you are interested and one of those people who can actually who can spot it in the noise. Given that global warming has taken over in full earnest many wedding halls in glorious Chennai now have air conditioners so it is manageable if you do wear cotton t-shirts to a wedding reception.

Originally India was the land of Snake Charmers and Fakirs nut now the West thinks India is a land of IT drones and Poor people. An Indian wedding will change their perspective as the amount of money spent is obscene and coming to the food wastage, well if you can take all the food wasted in Indian wedding you can actually feed a small impoverished African nation!  

Given the rampant urbanization and opening up of the economy getting a car is no big deal and gone are the days when you have to wait forever for a rusty ambassador is gone. On the side note finally the ambassador production has been stopped. Good riddance to the old box on wheels. Now that the streets are filled with German Marques but then the roads are narrower and encroached which means that finding parking near wedding halls is the first mission and it is tougher than the gift buying process. Though halls advertise that they can even seat 1000 and charge obscene sum of amount to rent it out most do not have parking for more than 20 cars. So the rest just park anywhere and everywhere they find space. Which is why in Chennai you find more cars parked on roads than they actually ply on it?

I do not know where the obsession of carrying a packed box or flowers came along but worst is waiting in a bloody long to go up on stage where the lights will give the Sun some complex and taking a picture with stars of the show where you get a chance to interact with them for like 5 seconds to mumble a usual Congratulations or All the best (this actually is more apt). While the line is longer the funny thing is usually the seating area is more or less filled with only chairs and no people. Usually on the corner a four piece band churns out music for approximately 8 people who actually sit and listen to this despite all the chaos. Oh and the band do not usually takes in requests.

And by the time all this ordeal gets over, you actually burn a lot of calories in this mess that you have to eat up to get back lost calories. Receptions are always crowded as it is kept at time when slaves oops people actually get off work and the food well atleast in Brahminical sense has the “Manna” itself or rather popularly called her as Panner makes in appearance. Even expensive buffets do not have such a wide spread and usually an assortment of East, West, North & Southern cuisine contributes to 75+ dishes. Usually there is a long line for this as well but if you are one of those clever folks you land up early and finish off an early dinner.

Ironically people do say you meet girls in weddings but then this ruse is something which you are conned into going for one and you realize that the only women are either married or going to get marry on that day. Wow, so much goes for meeting women but you do meet some highly opinionated oldies who dishes out free advice like the welfare state which TN has become.

Usual questions asked include the listed ones below:

-          High Time to get Married, so when is yours?

-          You work where? Is it an IT company?

-          Oh MNC, American Company?

-          When is your wedding?

-          Don’t want to get married?

-          What do you do?

This should give you an idea what happens when you get caught with such people. Ok, seriously if I knew answer to a question like When is your wedding I will answer it. Asking me such a question is similar to asking me what the purpose of life is. If I know I will answer and if I do not know I will give a blank look. Yes the same look RG gives when any conversation does not include Columbia, Women and Drugs!

Being in late 20’s or early 30’s is the most painful phase in your life. Of course having kids running around and head-butting your balls is even worse but then that is something which you had asked for. Another important question which is asked is “When are you going to settle down?” I did not I was a nomad who was wandering from one place to another till this was asked. So basically I need to get an apartment some 20 miles from the city with a cheap hatchback and house stinking of poop means I have made it life. Wow…….what an aspiration to aim for!!!

I think marriage is about finding the right person and spending the rest of your lifetime with her. Watching football will be good while watching F1 will be a bonus and someone who does both who also runs, well now that is what you call a “Dream Girl”.

Till then better stock up on gifts and keep attending weddings and try to chart out a plan so that you don’t get caught in the chaos will be a good plannable action!